Sunday, March 15, 2009

Idiots at Home

There are a lot of stupid names out there in this great world. A LOT. What I’ve discovered is that there are quite a few people in my current city of Vancouver, Washington who are naming their children some incredibly stupid names.

Here are the ones that I have compiled from the January and February birth announcements from our local rag, The Columbian. I’ve divided them up into some categories and have added some of my special brand of commentary for your reading pleasure. Here is the first category.

Overuse of the Letter Y

The letter Y has a bit of a complicated life. It is sometimes a vowel. You know, that whole a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y. It is sometimes a consonant. And apparently, people like to use it to replace actual vowels when spelling the names of their offspring. Why do they do this? I don’t know, maybe meth has found a way to influence that part of society as well.
Here are the examples born in Vancouver in February:

This is one of those “let’s-make-up-a-name” names. There is quite a trend lately with naming girls some combination of letters that start with a K and involve some kind of y. Kylie, Kaylee, Karly, Kayla, etc. Just do what you should do. Don’t buy into that unique name crap. Instead, name your daughter either Katie or Kimberly and give the girl a fighting chance.

This follows the “let’s-mess-up-the-spelling-of a-perfectly-normal-name-by-using-an-extraneous-y” method of naming children.

I don’t even know what the hell was going through the minds of this girl’s parents. Jaylynne? There are 4 things wrong with this name.

1) not even a real name, it is the combination of two names, Jay and Lynn. No her parents are not named Jay and Lynn. I checked. That would at least make a little sense. Their names are Todd and Amanda, so an appropriate although stupid combination of their names would be Toddmanda, Todda, or even Amantodd

2) extraneous ys

3) little Jaylynne will be spelling her name for everyone for the rest of her natural life


4) it’s just plain a stupid baby name.

Baby Naming Rule #5
The letter y is a precious letter. It should under no circumstances be used all willy-nilly.