Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Adolph Hitler is NOT a Good Namesake

I’m not sure whether to file this under the “Oh. My. God.” or the “WTF?” category. While writing yesterday’s blog, I was thinking of other general names that would lead to lives of crime. I Googled things like “serial killers” and “felon names.” I even read through the current Clark County Jail roster to see if there were any trends. FYI, there are 26 Michaels currently residing in the local lockup. The second most common name was John with 15. I reiterate that Mike is not a good name if you want your child to be law-abiding.

Imagine my surprise when I read the paper this morning. “Couple who named son Adolf Hitler set off birthday cake brouhaha.” First of all, kudos to the headline writer for incorporating the word brouhaha into an headline. How many times do you think that gets to happen? Now, on to the madness.

One would think that I wouldn’t have to point out that naming your kid Adolf Hitler would be a bad idea. However, I obviously underestimated the sheer stupidity of a family in Holland Township, New Jersey. Here’s the article from The Columbian:

At first, I thought this kid’s parents were just stupid. According to the article, the father, Heath Campbell, named his son Adolf Hitler Campbell because he liked the name and because “no one else in the world would have that name.” Well, of course except for freaking ADOLF HITLER ! ! ! I thought that the New Jersey school system had failed this man in educating him to the atrocities to humanity and the world that Hitler committed. Adolf wasn’t all that uncommon of a name until the whole Third Reich, World War II, Holocaust blip in the history of the world made people not want to have their children associated with one of the worst people in recorded history. After further research (isn’t the internet amazing?), I realize that it’s not just stupidity with these parents. There is a whole underlying racist, neo-Nazi fascination thing going on. It’s not just liking the name and wanting a name that no one else has. (Okay, to his credit, there will be no other Adolf Hitler Campbells in the world because I like to think that there is only one set of parents that freaking stupid.) Check out this article:

Little Adolf has siblings. Those siblings are named, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeanie Campbell. I’m a little surprised that they didn’t change the spelling of their last name, so they could have a bunch of kids with KKK for their initials. Maybe I shouldn’t be giving them any ideas.

Here’s a picture of Little Adolf. Note the long hair bordering on mullet. These people must hate their children in order to torture them like this. Obviously they are looking for some attention. Who puts their full kid’s name on a birthday cake to begin with? Who names their child Adolf Hitler? MORONS. Absolute stupid, idiotic, morons. Who allowed these people to breed? Will someone PLEASE call the New Jersey version of Child Protective Services and get those children out of that home. Else they face a dark future. When little Adolf goes to school, he will be mocked. His little classmates will make his life a living hell. Unless of course Heath and idiot wife Deborah home school their little aryan babies. Then they will grow up to be social misfits who end up living with a militia in unpopulated areas of Montana. Another bright future for little Adolf is that at age 17, he will realize that his horrible life is the fault of his parents, and he’ll buy a gun on the street and shoot his parents before going on some kind of mall or school shooting frenzy. After he either kills himself or gets killed in a gun fight with police, others will reflect that maybe naming him Adolf wasn’t such a good idea.

I wish you luck Adolf Hitler Campbell. You will need it. P.S. Run away as soon as you can.

Baby Naming Tip #4:

Don’t name your kid Adolf Hitler. Period.


saea said...

my lips always feel really weird when they aren't chapped...

well, you should check out . it's a "news" site where users link to articles and "digg" up or down articles and the higher the diggs the more popular they are and that, and a fancy algorithm determines front-page articles. Just saying, because that Hitler story was on there a few days ago...a lot of news is front page there days before they are front page anywhere else.

(and news is..."news" there because a lot of it is random things like fail pictures and random articles...)

Catherine said...

Wow! Just wow!

Your opening paragraph reminds me of what my first grade teacher (who became a close family friend) used to say, "Name a child Chair, Table, anything but Michael." Apparently, her experience with Michaels was less than positive. From my experience with the teenage versions, Michaels are generally interesting characters.

Rishika said...

I think there is something wrong with the parents for naming a child that... completely ridiculous. babynames